Hi! I'm going to start by saying I'm a 17-year-old girl. I'm studying in 11th grade and I can boldly claim to be a good student and I know what I want out of life, I'm just saying I'm learning medicine and getting used to it, I want to have a full life, a family, kids and, in general, a living. So much for dreams, I'm going to tell you about my harsh reality. Nearly a year ago, life began to slowly collapse, and for that, I am completely to blame myself. I've never been a complete girl, even if I'm tall, I'm tall, they tell me I'm beautiful, and if you see me live, you don't have a mind to go through how I see myself and what thoughts go through my mind. I don't know why, but last year(2017) I decided I had to lose weight ( I was 58/59 kg, being 178cm tall) and everything was going well. I just reduced my daily calorie intake a little bit and so slowly and "healthy" I started losing weight. How and when I do not know the idea of being even weaker was the thing that I lived and lived for today. He doesn't even have any memories of how it all started. My daily food intake began to decrease more and more and the weight with it. So in two months, i was 59kg (which was my goal), but I wasn't happy with what I was seeing in the mirror yet. I thought I was just eating too much, and that's why I'm so fat and obnoxious. I'm 52. My mother, my friends, and even not so close people as classmates from neighboring classes started telling me that I had lost a lot of weight. My jeans started hanging out, I was constantly cold and my skin was dry and cracked. My mom started shining me, where I ate in front of her (a lot) so she thought I was eating. But something went wrong. I ate everything I had at home, bought a lot of other things and so until my stomach started to hurt from overeating. And then there was the Nah-bad- GUILT. Internal pain, fear, feeling that I've lost control and the feeling of being fat, ugly, obnoxious, no one could like me like that. Of course, I gained weight ( now November I'm 55). I can't stand my reflection in the mirror. I've got episodes of overeating all the time, and then the guilt comes in, and then the desire to get everything swallowed out by my body ( and I'm overreacting- I don't throw up if that's what you thought- I use laxatives). I've had all this happen to me so often that I can't stand myself anymore. I can't control myself. Almost every week I have about two-thirds of the episodes. I don't know how to get out of this hole I'm in. I can't do anything like people anymore- I can't study, I can't sleep, I can't really have fun with my friends, I can't just live like this. I just don't know how to go on. I want this to end, I want to fight this stupid disease if I can call it that. Please someone if they have experienced something like this or if they are going through it now, let me write, let them give advice. I don't know how much longer I can take it, I can't tell my mom or anyone what I'm going through because I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I want to do this on my own, but I don't know-how. Ps: I apologize for spelling mistakes if any
1 lewdvelvet answered