Between Desire And Reason

Hello! I know no one will like my story, but I really need to share my problem with someone. So ... I'm a woman, 20+. I have a friend with whom we have been together for two years. We keep in touch from a distance, but this has never been a problem, we love each other and plan a future together. BUT ... Lately I've started to feel confused. This is an acquaintance of mine, with whom I have known for several years. Honestly, during this time he was always very strangely connected with my life (but I will not go into details about it). So many times I have foreseen some things that will happen to him that I even get a little scared when I think about it. I have some inexplicable relationship with this person that I don't have with anyone else (even my parents and friends I grew up with). To be honest, when I first saw him, I was attracted to him and I'm sure it was mutual (he showed it), but then I liked his friend.

Then he caught a girlfriend. Then I found my man. During these years we were very close, there were days when we were constantly together, he knows my friend, I knew his girlfriend, the four of us went out. So ... Everything was fine until before the holidays he and I found ourselves together at an event. I had overdosed on alcohol (something I'm not proud of), and he started explaining to me how much he loved me (and we used to say we loved each other) and invited me to go to them (he was sober). I flatly refused him. Now is the time to insert that, in essence, nothing has ever happened between us. I refused him, but since then I only think about how I really want him very much, but it's not just that .. I also have strong feelings for him. And I feel damn bad and wrong to experience them while I'm with someone who might be for me and with whom I could start a family. I do not know what to do. I would not cheat on my friend, my conscience would not allow it. The options are to end contact with my acquaintance or to sacrifice my relationship for him. I would not want to end my relationship just because of one sex, which is very possible to get. But on the other hand ... What if this is exactly the person for me and we should have been together since our acquaintance? However, the risk is too great. I'm glad I shared though. Don't eat me, I'm tormented enough, and as I said, I wouldn't cheat. I would not cheat on my friend, my conscience would not allow it. The options are to end contact with my acquaintance or to sacrifice my relationship for him.

I would not want to end my relationship just because of one sex, which is very possible to get. But on the other hand ... What if this is exactly the person for me and we should have been together since our acquaintance? However, the risk is too great. I'm glad I shared though. Don't eat me, I'm tormented enough, and as I said, I wouldn't cheat. I would not cheat on my friend, my conscience would not allow it. The options are to end contact with my acquaintance or to sacrifice my relationship for him. I would not want to end my relationship just because of one sex, which is very possible to get. But on the other hand ... What if this is exactly the person for me and we should have been together since our acquaintance? However, the risk is too great. I'm glad I shared though. Don't eat me, I'm tormented enough, and as I said, I wouldn't cheat. What if this is exactly the person for me and we should have been together since we met? However, the risk is too great. I'm glad I shared though. Don't eat me, I'm tormented enough, and as I said, I wouldn't cheat. What if this is exactly the person for me and we should have been together since we met? However, the risk is too great. I'm glad I shared though. Don't eat me, I'm tormented enough, and as I said, I wouldn't cheat.