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Why we are caught up in romantic stamps
We try on romantic stamps on ourselves, but books and movies have not much in common with life. The story of simple and happy relationships in them would look boring. Two people met, fell in love, and lived for many years without beating dishes, but with conversations and compromises - it does not sound very exciting. Therefore, the plot becomes conflicted, broad gestures, and many other things.
While we study the relationship on melodrama and try to cram their love into the narrow frames of romantic stamps, we risk spoiling their personal lives.
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What stereotypes have a devastating effect on relationships
Responsibility for happiness in the hands of fate
The notorious myth of the second half continues to be mercilessly exploited. According to him, somewhere on earth there is a man who is created for you, and you will recognize him immediately. At the same time, his personal qualities are not so important - what difference does it make if fate has ruled it.
In the film "Intuition" the main characters met and spent the evening together. They were in a relationship with other people, so they decided to break up forever. But before that they wrote their phones: it is on the cover of a random book in the store, it - on the bill. Naturally, after a year both carriers get to the recipients. And the characters all throw and reunite.
It sounds romantic, because fate itself is on the side of our heroes. That's just with life it is poorly mounted. They're still two strangers who had a good night. And fate is a very ephemeral concept. People tend to interpret the signs at their discretion, as it is beneficial to them. Therefore, it is not good to shift responsibility for one's life to higher powers. By the way, the fact that the heroes of "Intuition" are ready to leave their current sweethearts so easily, speaks more about their feelings for their current partners than for each other.
Relationships without difficulties are less valuable
True love is the one in which the couple has gone through many trials. People swore, parted, faced obstacles, diseases and natural disasters. But the lovers went through a series of sufferings, sacrifices and hardships and still stayed together. It seems that these are real feelings, because they are burning fire.
It happens that people, driven by this stereotype, begin to create problems from scratch to add sharpness. But you don't have to. If you're okay and you're happy, it's a pretty good relationship.
The power of emotions is more important than their quality
Strong feelings of the characters make the audience feel more thrill when watching the film. But if they're incredibly happy all the time, it's a bit boring. That's why the characters ride on emotional swings. Here they furiously scandal and part forever, but squeeze each other in hugs and swear in eternal love. Their feelings are constantly at extreme points - negative or positive. It looks spectacular. But there is a nuance.
Emotional swings are one of the manipulative techniques. Its essence is the alternation of good attitude and alienation.
The more swinging swings, the happier the "visitor of the attraction" feels when everything is getting better.
It seems that nothing else can bring such joy. And all because of the contrast: compared to the complete decline, happiness feels sharper than when transitioning from a neutral state.
Even if the partner is not a manipulator and does not deliberately rock the emotional swings, and just so it turns out, the situation looms not very healthy. You remember only moments of acute happiness and forget periods of deep distress. And there are at least as many of them, and they occur with the same intensity.
What other options are there? A consistently good relationship. Of course, life is never cloudless. With any partner you will sometimes quarrel, and circumstances sooner or later will test the strength of your love. But the presence of constant drama in it is not an obligatory aspect.
Opposites are attracted
Again, let's go back to the fact that the engine of the scenario is conflict. It is not so easy to create it from scratch. Therefore, the heroes belong to warring clans, different social strata, denominations, parties and have irreconcilable differences. But love will help them turn a blind eye to differences and overcome everything.
Everything is much more complicated in life, and the commonality of views really makes a big difference. That is why disagreements will kill love rather than feelings will help to overcome them. For example, what compromise can a person and anti-invigoer reach when it comes to a child's health? That's it.
A loved one must be pursued
In a healthy relationship, "no" means "no" - without two interpretations. In films, harassment is often fully justified by love. Is the object of interest ignoring all the signs of attention? Fine, so we need to find out where he works and lives. Send him gifts to the office and meet his mother. And do not lag behind in any case, because for love must fight.
If your partner breaks off the relationship and leaves, you don't have to take it seriously. Go to the airport and try to stop it! Tell him about his wedding and tear it up! Can he, fool, know what he wants and what is best for him?
In reality, it is certainly not necessary to do so. First of all, it's harassment. In Russia, alas, it is not punished by law, but romanticize stalking is still not necessary. Secondly, you deserve a relationship in which a person will be in love and involved in communication as much as you do.
Broad gestures will redeem any guilt
Expensive gifts, serenades under the window, recognition from the stage to a huge audience - all this in the films is presented as a healing plantain. Whatever you're guilty of, a broad gesture will save the relationship. Such actions become a kind of indulgence, which gives the right to violate agreements because when everything is so easy to correct. Moreover, the "misdemeanors- a broad gesture" is formed. And now any gift will cause joy and bitterness at the same time because somewhere there is a horse.
The alternative, of course, is: do not violate the agreement. And if it happened, then discuss what happened and decide what you should do next. Clearly better than just sweeping the dust under the donated mat.
Lovers understand each other without words
Heroes of romantic films are endowed with special telepathic abilities. They know exactly what their soul mate wants. For example, if the hero decides to make a surprise to the heroine and suddenly jumps out the window of her room, the girl is painted, combed and does something decent. Characters always guess what the other wants right now, and this is one of the most harmful stereotypes.
The script was not applied to life. But some still manage to be offended by the fact that the partner can not read their thoughts. And that's pretty stupid. It is still worth putting their desires and discontents in words. If then the partner ignores them, perhaps the problems really are.
Sex with a loved one is always amazing
Wherever and whenever lovers meet, their sex is incredible, and they experience orgasm at the same time. No one ever gets tired and is always ready to go to bed. No one's leg is leaking and his nose is not itching at the most crucial moment.
Statistics are against it here. Only 25% of women regularly experience
Therefore, it is much more important than the sex life suits both partners and does not correspond to romantic stereotypes.
A person can be changed by the love
This is a common scenario in films and in life, only with different endings. A person meets someone who is unsuitable and tries to change it. The task is not easy, so the hero has to endure, sacrifice, and suffer. But then he receives a prize in the form of an ideal partner, which he transformed by the power of his feelings.
Saving with love is a failed strategy. A person changes when he wants to. No threat, no blackmail, no wedding and children, no great sacrifice. Instead of cinematic relationships, you get co-dependent. And it's better to avoid them than to try to fix them.
"Love Never Stops"
This line from the first message of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians often sounds at movie weddings. The statement is reflected in the plots. Noah and Ellie reunited in "Diary of Memory" after 10 years of separation. Melanie and Jake in "Stylish Thing" took a similar path. In general, it is a common stamp, so the list can continue indefinitely. And if things are in this way, should we end the relationship, even if they are not happy? After all, sooner or later you will come back to each other. For example, in the Eternal Shining of pure reason, even amnesia did not help the heroes to part.
Meanwhile, research says
Of course, this does not mean that you need to leave the first partner if he is beautiful. But if you do not add up, it is worth remembering that after the first love, too, there is life - and happy.