Attachment - How To Deal With It

   Hi, I know what you're talking about ... because I've experienced it ... or I'm still experiencing it. And the most interesting thing in this case is that when you convey great importance to some or something, you undoubtedly lose it :) at least that's how it is with me. What I have learned about myself is that this problem does not come from love for others .... rather it comes from a lack of love for myself ... I have not yet figured out how to deal with it :) for this advice I can't give you. There are a lot of books on such topics .. read and at least find out what the problem is with you :) Good luck!

   Hello! I am 24 years old, also a final year student. I have a friend, and I have maybe the same problem. The stupid thing is that I don't know how to deal with this, firstly because so far I haven't cared about my partner at all, I've always been more passive and when I feel that I'm committing too much .... I run ... as much as and to sound stupid, that's how I am, did I feel that this man wanted, so to speak, to put a belt on me - end. Of course, I'm not a superficial person, I haven't had indiscriminate relationships, I've always dated someone I feel for, just at one point things always got serious and it was like I wasn't ready, I didn't want them and we kept going. Yes, but this time something went wrong. We have been together for 2 years now. I don't know how he did it, but it turned out that I stopped from the wild deer I was. He wanted to be the only one in every way - love, friend, comrade ... It happened so that I became terribly dependent on him. I honestly don't like it. I love it, but sometimes I feel trapped. I only think about him, I don't communicate with other people (I communicate, but I don't make new contacts), but I was a super social being. There are days when I cross boundaries and feel mentally disturbed. I broke down. I don't think that's right. These days we have a conversation ahead of us. It's hard for me. I love him terribly much, but it can't go on like this ... I'm actually really confused: D and I was a super social being. There are days when I cross boundaries and feel mentally disturbed. I broke down. I don't think that's right. These days we have a conversation ahead of us. It's hard for me. I love him terribly much, but it can't go on like this ... I'm actually really confused: D and I was a super social being. There are days when I cross boundaries and feel mentally disturbed. I broke down. I don't think that's right. These days we have a conversation ahead of us. It's hard for me. I love him terribly much, but it can't go on like this ... I'm actually really confused: D

   I'm the exact opposite of you ... I'm not attached at all. I don't know how to handle it ... just try not to get so involved in people, and don't expect anything from them. The good comes when you least expect it.

   I had a relationship for almost 5 years in which I deified the man against me. I was incredibly emotionally dependent on him, I was convinced that if we broke up I would never find someone else to love so much. He began to climb on my head, to ignore me, and to accumulate other sins against me that I do not want to share now. I was the initiator of the separation, when he felt where the wind was blowing, he changed his attitude, but I had accumulated a lot for him. He didn't try to stop me when we broke up because he was convinced I would come back. I experienced it very hard, lost 10 kilograms from not eating, fainted, was out of touch, cried for days and hoped to fall asleep to rest. But I came to life. And then I fell in love again. And I realized that it was not the end of the world and that man has an unlimited amount of love to give. Now I realize why people don't value their relationships so much - because there are no irreplaceable people. As long as they are next to you, they are irreplaceable, then you grit your teeth and move on.

   When I read N1's commentary on the books and remembered ... I'm reading one right now. Jorge Bucay "The Three Questions" And it says that we must first be self-sufficient in order to then be able to build a good relationship in which we do not obsess over the other. :) Read the book, it's good ... after all, the author is a psychotherapist with many years of practice. And you can go to a psychologist yourself - it's not ashamed as most people in Bulgaria think. It doesn't mean you're sick ... People in other countries do it regularly. The other thing that impressed me is that your relationship is 6 months old. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and 9 months ... And in the beginning my girlfriend behaved like that ... almost for the whole first year. I showed understanding and tried to give her all the attention she wanted, because I love her too:

   I share the view of number 5 that we need to be self-sufficient in order to build a useful relationship. I am such a person, but I have not always been. I know what you're saying. About a year and a half ago I was left with a broken heart, but today I am happy that this is how things turned out, because now I look at relationships with a different eye. And don't get me wrong - I didn't tell myself I wasn't going to fall in love or anything - now I'm in a relationship with someone I love again, but with one difference. I realize that I love myself too. So I HAVE ACCEPTED that no one in this world has this guarantee that his partner will always be with him, but there is nothing wrong with that. This is completely normal, we have ourselves - completely enough security - since we love ourselves, we must know that we are always able to find happiness, to be convinced, that we will deal with anything and so on. ie in my case I really love this person, but with the difference that I love myself first and I am able to live without him, if that happens / I really do not want it to happen and it would hurt undoubtedly /, but this thinking is very different from yours, and I wouldn't have reached it if it weren't for the experience, and it also saves me a lot of the worries you have. Because I have no worries about this relationship - and that is why it works - I do not cling to the person, nor do I tell him what to do, and this is largely because we are both BUSY. We both have our own things - interests, obligations, etc. I remember another difference in this regard from the previous ones - before my partner was far away, I was unable to have fun alone, as if someone else was controlling whether I would be happy or not depending on whether he was next to me or not, crazy nonsense, don't you think? While now, I love to have personal space and spend time alone, and I will emphasize again that this does not mean that I do not care about the person on the other side - on the contrary, I love him, but I also love myself. :) Maybe you understand me in theory, but it would be difficult to achieve it - as I knew this before, but I could not accept that I could live without someone. But the truth is that you can, anyone can, I guess before you go through something like that, you can't understand it, I guess ... it took me months to overcome my ex, for whom I suffered a lot, and today when I see him I wonder why I loved him, or maybe it wasn't even love, it's just weird that I suffered for someone, and now that I see him he is just an ordinary person to me, like everyone else. Love your friend and don't be afraid of it, enjoy your happy moments together, and have the confidence that you will always succeed, as well as that you are a person who deserves love, so if you don't get it from here, she will came from another place. We can give love more than once, that's the good thing!

   Reading the author and the comments so far, I think that the basic idea of ​​life has slipped away from their people. Number 4, as long as you repeat that you have suffered so much and been a victim, as long as you repeat what hell it was and how suddenly you fell in love with a person who is replaceable for you, until then you will not understand that at all, but not at all you are happy. Not to mention that you suffered and loved him so much that you even abandoned him. As long as you think like absolute tamagotchi without a soul, just as big crap will happen to you. By 5, find some other reading, instead of relying on a person you identify as a psychotherapist, who writes absolute nonsense and how things sat in general. Things generally always look very beautiful in every form, both written and spoken. However, the truth is that they are more of a principle, for the matter of the ego, which destroys every creature, is not involved in them. You are small, only 24, so instead of reading fiction, I would recommend you to go out and face reality, for example with women like number 4, to understand that this book that you read the place is in someone antique store. Number 6, from what has been described, I understand that you love this person in front of people, but above all you look at yourself. This sounds really romantic, even more than fun than reading a humorous magazine. All of the above write how it should be in love, how it should be in general, but absolutely all of you before you write how happy and aware you were now, share that someone has broken your heart. You can't even imagine the pain you have hidden behind some boring thoughts and phrases, as well as behind some writings that you were loved and were happy at the moment, and that you are self-sufficient. People who talk about it usually show what exactly they are missing. Unfortunately, today's generation has a terribly low threshold of tolerance for others and a complete immersion in their own selves, which is so destructive and wrong :( for yourself, and so believe me, you can't meet love or happiness, so keep fooling yourself, fooling yourself into expressing stupid thoughts.

   Girl, this stickiness is sometimes repulsive. Listen to №5, 6, and even if it's not exactly this book- read others from -Jorge Bucay here's a link http://chitanka.info/person/jorge-bucay. I'm looking for books from here. Success!

   You need to know that in life people come and go. Find something of your own that does not depend on anyone but you and you will feel more independent. You have to have a perspective on your own life.

   hello and I was like you and I still am. but they shared with me a perhaps clichéd thought that the more freedom you give a man and do not restrict him, the more he will be yours. I think there is something true, and I try to be guided by it. this does not mean, of course, that you become selfish and naughty and do not care how she is and what she does. just not being too attached, which is the other extreme. it's hard, but at least try.

   From the author: In fact, I understand that what really bothers me is that I don't love and respect myself enough. In fact, before we met him, I had no relationship for a long time and I thought I didn't need it to have a full life, but at the same time I felt lonely. And no matter how strong I am while I'm alone, in a relationship I change and become addicted. My moods, my feelings are all influenced by those of my partner. It wasn't like that at first, but I didn't expect anything serious or falling in love. In my previous two serious relationships, I wasn't like that because I didn't love the men I was with so much and I ended up breaking up with them. But now, for the first time, it's not, and it scares me a little. Maybe I should dilute my thoughts about him with ones that only affect me as a person. I don't want to feel dependent on anyone

   From number 6 to number 7- first, I specify that I am 21 years old, the girl who wrote the topic is also around my age. It is quite normal to have different views at this stage of my life - yes, if I were 43 at the moment I would like to be a successful woman, financially stable, with marriage and children, and based on what I have achieved I would be able to think and for someone else and to give much more than I would give at my current age. I think I'm absolutely right that at this stage of my life I have to focus on myself first, and number 7 made it almost a sin - so all successful people are wrong when they think about themselves, not about someone else! So my opinion is that the young person's priority must first be to think about himself in order to be able to think about someone else at a more mature age! What about these, who sacrifice for someone in their 20s, who abandon their personal development, become attached to someone, care for someone - in the end they are left only disappointed and betrayed because they realize that instead of focusing on themselves, they give their energy on someone else without a guarantee even that this person will stay with them - no marriage, nothing. So number 7, there is nothing wrong with taking care of others - don't get me wrong - but doing it when you first take care of yourself, when you have the time, the energy, the ability to do it. In this sense, I consider love to some extent a luxury. Young people can love, they can take care of each other, but they certainly couldn't take care of the other as much as a married, financially stable couple. In a happy relationship between young people, there must be care, understanding, support, support, but with age I think that the above increase / at least it should /. So, in order for a person to be able to give himself completely to another without being harmed in any aspect, he must first be complete, have reached where he wants to be, and this is happiness - you have taken care of yourself. and you are already experiencing a new joy - joy, from the fact that besides yourself you take care of another / others / - husband and children. :)

   From N5 to N7: We did not ask for advice :) It was right to turn to the author the most! Obviously you have a wonderful life, without any "drama" related to a man and with you everything is wonderful. I'm glad :) If you know what Bukay's books are about, then you've been through them - although only from above. It is clear to me that the books are made to make money. In them we will find a little principled theory, but never practice. To see reality, I prefer to "face" (communicate) with women like you, with whom we have something to argue about ("Truth is born in controversy") - this is how I will learn best. And if I come across women like N4, I will try to show them that not all men are like her ex. I agree with you that we are young and inexperienced, but we young people sometimes learn by trial and error - no way :). From the last paragraph of your comment you feel a lot of aggression - it doesn't make sense. It's easy in terms of trying to talk. I will be happy to share with you how you deal with pain, what books you are interested in, etc. You write: "You can't even imagine how the pain you have hidden behind some boring thoughts and phrases, as well as behind some Easter eggs ... "YES - it's called empathy, sympathy ... That's why we allow the pain to see through, or maybe we haven't dealt with it yet, have we pushed it somewhere inside and now, because it's anonymous, it's more -Easy to share. When one sees that others have similar problems, one understands that this is not insurmountable. With respect and understanding (N5, M, 24) I will be happy to share with you how you deal with pain, what books you are interested in, etc. You write: "You can't even imagine how the pain you have hidden behind some boring thoughts and phrases, as well as behind some Easter eggs ... "YES - it's called empathy, sympathy ... That's why we allow the pain to see through, or maybe we haven't dealt with it yet, have we pushed it somewhere inside and now, because it's anonymous, it's more -Easy to share. When one sees that others have similar problems, one understands that this is not insurmountable. With respect and understanding (N5, M, 24) I will be happy to share with you how you deal with pain, what books you are interested in, etc. You write: "You can't even imagine how the pain you have hidden behind some boring thoughts and phrases, as well as behind some Easter eggs ... "YES - it's called empathy, sympathy ... That's why we allow the pain to see through, or maybe we haven't dealt with it yet, have we pushed it somewhere inside and now, because it's anonymous, it's more -Easy to share. When one sees that others have similar problems, one understands that this is not insurmountable. With respect and understanding (N5, M, 24) That's why we allow the pain to see through, or maybe we haven't dealt with it yet, if we've pushed it somewhere inside, and now, because it's anonymous, it's easier to share it. When one sees that others have similar problems, one understands that this is not insurmountable. With respect and understanding (N5, M, 24) That's why we allow the pain to see through, or maybe we haven't dealt with it yet, if we've pushed it somewhere inside, and now, because it's anonymous, it's easier to share it. When one sees that others have similar problems, one understands that this is not insurmountable. With respect and understanding (N5, M, 24)