An Egoist Who Cannot Love

The Story

Hello :) A girl of about 20, who is traveling at breakneck speed to depression. The problem, if I may call it that at all, is an ex. It was just a dunk for a while, no feelings, no unnecessary dramas, with disgusting exes behind me who are still trying to ruin me. Maybe it was out of female malice that we started our relationship, at least me. Contrary to them, to prove to them that this asshole has forgotten them and does not care about them, the "story" began. It was good, I will not blame my soul, entertainment, parties, intimacy of various kinds. And he seemed to fall in love. And I was just having fun. I didn't care enough, I gave him freedom, but I became attached. It's time for everything to end, but we don't know why we didn't finish it. He was my lifeline, he was there when not everything in my life was flourishing. It helped me get up, then he himself drove me into the ground. Just when I started wanting something more, his ex started looking for me, explaining how he never gave up on her, didn't forget her, how they were together behind my back. Not that I trusted her, but he wouldn't let me not. Then I made the point, I got cold, I felt short-term feelings for someone else, I thought I had continued. For several months I didn't even think of everything. Until a few months ago. I saw him with another and something inside me broke. Female malice again, I guess. Not that I wanted it, but I didn't want it to be with anyone else. Crazy, huh Still, I got what I wanted - a short dive with him. He obviously showed that he had feelings, and I don't know what I want at all. I'm pulling at the moment, I want him to be happy, I can't make him like that. And yet I feel like I'm failing, even without wanting to, his every experience with someone else. What the hell should I do? !! I feel like the biggest egoist on the planet. I don't deserve love, I can't give love. I'm just ruining his life right now. I'm tired of being told I'm one in a million and I can't stop and show some love.

Last Updated
November 11, 2020