Am I Really Such A Fool?

The Story

My story, like many others, may seem pointless and somewhat silly. Maybe I'm the fool in this case, I don't know I can't say ... I've never been the center of attention, I've never wanted it. I have a few best friends that I know I can count on, and that's enough for me. Or at least I've had enough before, I'm not so sure anymore. I am 17 years old, I have never had a boyfriend and not because there was no one to go with, but because I did not want to. The thing is, I don't see the point in dating someone I can only be friends with. I didn't get my first kiss because I wanted it to be something special, something I will remember for a lifetime.

I don't believe in love and maybe that's why she doesn't believe in me either, she didn't look for me - I didn't look for her either ... And then about a month or two ago everything turned upside down. I met a boy ... only not live but in chat. I've been writing to him for 7-8 months now and in the beginning, everything was a joke. For me, he was just another one from Skype, someone I shouldn't be bored with. But gradually I started chatting just to see if he was there. I didn't dare tell him, but he made me talk as if only he could get through the glass wall I had surrounded myself with. He admitted that we play with feelings, I did not deny. He made me look at the world differently. But something stops me. For me, this is not reality, but rather a fantasy. We haven't met live and I think that's what I'm most afraid of. I am afraid that he will be disappointed, that I will lose my last hope that someone can love me.

And this is not the reality. And now he asks me - can we just be friends or give him hope? ... and I don't know! I am afraid to tell him that we can be something more because I myself do not know if it is so but to tell him that only friendship connects us - I will lie. Should I promise him to hope? Should I lie to him? Should I lie to myself? .... or am I just another fool running away from reality...

Last Updated
July 27, 2020
Author:
kiara_jey

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