Am I Dooming My Life To Failure?

Hello. I'm 23. I've been used to being rejected even by my parents since I was a child. I left home very early. I worked, studied and supported myself. Then I got into a relationship with a married man. We were together for a long time, tormented by the thought of stealing it from his family. I told him about it all the time, but he said he loved me and would not leave me. And I didn't really get anything more than a few hours with him. He could not sleep with me, which weighed heavily on me. There was a boy who was constantly around me, but I didn't look at him as anything more than a friend. After many scandals with marriages, I decided that I deserved more than a few hours a day. I agreed to go out with the boy. I told the married people that I wanted something serious, I wanted to have something too. He went mad, but eventually resigned himself. We didn't break up, he didn't leave me. This boy and I liked each other a lot, we kept going out and I was getting better in his company. But I didn't know what to do, what was right, to tell the couple to finish everything, to tell the boy that I was in a relationship with someone else? !! I didn't want to hurt anyone. These thoughts lasted a little over a month, I was with both (married knew). One night I decided that this should stop and the longer I linger, the worse it gets. I told the couple that it was over, I love it, but we have no future. I don't want to ruin his family and that it's better for everyone. Threats followed that he would tell the boy. Which forced me to get ahead of him. I told the boy too, hard, but he accepted, he understood me. Forgive me and we started all over again. We live together. A few months later, he proposed to me. I arrived. And it started. He became cold to me. He yells at me, gets angry, interferes with the topic of this man out of nowhere and makes me feel very bad. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. But I can't go back in time. Sometimes I see contempt in his eyes. Quite often it makes me feel like nothing and not good enough for him. It's been months. How much longer do I have to wait for a "new beginning", will it be okay, will it really forgive me. We love each other a lot, but at times he becomes a different person. What to do? I treat him well, I shower him with love and attention. I am a good housewife. What else can I do? How do I change this? Quite often it makes me feel like nothing and not good enough for him. It's been months. How much longer do I have to wait for a "new beginning", will it be okay, will it really forgive me. We love each other a lot, but at times he becomes a different person. What to do? I treat him well, I shower him with love and attention. I am a good housewife. What else can I do? How do I change this? Quite often it makes me feel like nothing and not good enough for him. It's been months. How much longer do I have to wait for a "new beginning", will it be okay, will it really forgive me. We love each other a lot, but at times he becomes a different person. What to do? I treat him well, I shower him with love and attention. I am a good housewife. What else can I do? How do I change this?