Am I A Good Parent?

   if all parents thought like you, we wouldn't have a troubled society!

   It's nice, but if everyone did it literally, people in the future will not be different, everyone will be with the same self-confidence, with the same strong psyche, etc. Then how will the world be colorful? If we offer ourselves in the future among people raised in this "correct" way, it will not matter whether I choose Ivancho or Pesho as a friend, they will be the same. You leave me with no choice, and choice is my inalienable right.

   "Buy several types of wrapping paper and ask him to tell you which one to pack." He killed the fish with that sentence. So fake. You go to your child at the age of 4-5, you get on your knees, your eyes meet and you in your deepest and warmest voice beg him: "Elizabeth, my dear, tell me with which paper to wrap the gift?" the word is "pray." I deliberately used the name Elizabeth because you obviously watch a lot of American movies. You are not a parent I know for sure. I just don't think so. You are so obsessed with fantasies.

   to 2 We will not be the same, because there are things that do not depend on upbringing - temperament, soul, etc. upbringing is only one of the aspects that shape the personality. So there is no way anyone can take that right away from you. The author

   From №2 Author you are confusing something, the differences of people in temperament and soul are on a mental basis. People raised by your rules will have the same psyche because your rules are about affecting the child's psyche. From there, they will be the same in temperament and mentality. 1. They will be confident! 2. They will be accustomed to easily share their torments and always expect understanding and sympathy. They can't accept that it's possible for someone to play them. 3. They will not know reproach and ridicule for their mistakes. It will have long since stopped caring at all if they have failed and will not try to succeed for any purpose. From there they will not try to achieve goals, it will always be up to them whether they will fail, no one will blame them or make fun of them. 4. With requests and choice, people become ankles. When you let them choose five / ten times, they start to have too much self-confidence that their choice is always right and they want to have the right to choose for everything that surrounds them. Why, if you can ask him to choose the packaging of the gift, tomorrow he will not choose the gift, and the next day to take away all your right to choose, by waving in the store? Why not scream until his choice is accepted? Why don't you just eat chocolate when you let him choose his food? I know such a 16-year-old girl who has been eating only french fries and chocolate for years, believe me she doesn't put anything else in her mouth from carrots, tomatoes, etc. he gets up. 5. The child, who is not used to epithets, experiences a huge mental breakdown at the first epithet outside / in kindergarten, at school /. At the moment in kindergartens it is normal for 4-year-olds to insult each other with the word "dumb", just like that. How will your child, who has never had a label, feel? He'll be roaring in the corner all day, won't he? However, if he is used to it, he will not care and will play with the children and he will label them. Even the teachers in our schools, quite often, allow themselves to put labels on the children, in the evening a lady had called the children in my daughter's class "sersemi". What do we do then if my daughter took the labels literally? Will the children in my daughter's class become "sersemi" because their physics lady allows herself to be called that? 6. Here you are wrong again. guilt does not arise from the fact that the mother is or has not said "I will not love you". The child must get used to the thought of not caring if others love him, the most important thing is just to love yourself, to feel happy, even just with yourself. It doesn't matter if others love him. It is true that children at a tender age seek parental approval, want not to anger the parent, and would do anything to see their mother smiling. But the most important thing is to teach them to feel good, to love themselves, whether the people around them or loved ones are angry about their actions, this is called confidence in choosing an action. No matter how angry the father is that his 15-year-old daughter comes out with make-up and heels out of the house, she should come out with self-confidence, cheerful with herself, independent of her father's momentary feelings. Here, however, 4 and 6 intertwine. Should we pray or not? Should we show disapproval of the kid's election or not? Because, in fact, the child's choice at the moment is not to eat his soup! as a rule №4 we should let him not eat, to eat when and what he wants, as a rule №6 without getting angry. But will our child be healthy then? If you do not eat soups and do not follow a proper diet? Won't we run to hospitals with him in our arms? 7. Well, that's ok, fighting really isn't a solution in most cases, but there's still a BUT. When the child does not want to understand that at the moment we do not have the opportunity to be mentally or physically at his disposal and we make a proposal that we will pay attention to him in a given period of time, what should we do? If at that moment we are struggling to keep our job and hurry to work, and our 5-year-old child at 7 o'clock in the morning decides that today he is not in the mood to visit kindergarten and lies on the floor in the hallway of our home to show that he doesn't want to go out, with a furious roar, doesn't let us put his shoes on, kicking, and we have to be at work at 7.45 am and although we inform him that we will talk tonight about the visit to the kindergarten, he decides that he has the right to choose, as a rule №4 and it is enough great to just stay home and take care of yourself. What do we do then? Or we hire a babysitter for the day, but will we be able to find one in such a short time !? !? , if of course we have enough money or slap him to realize that at the moment it is not possible to just make a choice and take him to the garden, and in the evening we sit down to discuss the situation. as a rule №4 and is big enough to stay at home and take care of himself. What do we do then? Or we hire a babysitter for the day, but will we be able to find one in such a short time !? !? , if of course we have enough money or slap him to realize that at the moment it is not possible to just make a choice and take him to the garden, and in the evening we sit down to discuss the situation. as a rule №4 and is big enough to stay at home and take care of himself. What do we do then? Or we hire a babysitter for the day, but will we be able to find one in such a short time !? !? , if of course we have enough money or slap him to realize that at the moment it is not possible to just make a choice and take him to the garden, and in the evening we sit down to discuss the situation.

   to 3 I don't know exactly how he decided I wasn't a parent. I respect your point of view. I suppose you may be right. I just can't understand why it's necessary to write "You're so obsessed with fantasies." I take this as a critique. If you do not agree with me, just express your opinion, we possibly discuss what is right and what is not. I do not engage anyone with my opinion, I just offer a point of view that I do not necessarily claim to be correct, and everyone has the right to choose. If you don't accept it, no problem, but at least don't offend. The author

   All right ... sounds. But in practice, in my opinion, this is not the case. That is, in practice (in my opinion!) Universal methods should not be used for the upbringing of a child. Not because all people will be the same, but because all people are different. And the child, no matter how developed a person is, he has his own character and temperament, his own consciousness. Therefore, parents, showing some sensitivity and learning over time, must find their individual approach to their child. And if they have two children, they may need to have two different approaches. I was raised in a family of six. I have already reached a sufficiently high mental development to realize that my parents (albeit without any education in the field of psychology) have discovered this "methodology" and had different ways of raising their four children. Although my brothers, although of different ages, are very similar characters and were raised in almost the same way. What do I mean? I, for example, am a very sensitive, emotional character. As a child, if I was screamed for something, the world would end for me - I cried because I felt that I had disappointed the other person, therefore I disappointed myself even more, I fell into childhood depression, that I was a very bad child and Grandpa Torbalan would come to me. ate. That's why my parents didn't call me, much less beat me (it would probably be a mega shock to me). When I made mistakes, I was explained what was wrong, why it was wrong, why it was good not to repeat, what consequences this could have, and so on and so forth. I have been brought up in this way since I was very young, simply because every manifestation of aggression has upset me too much and too much ... And I have not accepted, and so far I do not accept, when I am told "this cannot be done" . I need an explanation for why. If it is not there, then it can be done. While, for example, kaka is flying in the air, soaring in dreams, she thinks whatever you can think of. She does not suffer from a hearing defect, but it definitely takes effort to convince her mind and subconscious to listen to you. That is, it needs to attract attention. Which for my parents meant screaming, banging on the table, and showing some visible, clear signs of aggression (I'm not talking about a fight!) So that she could possibly pay attention to them and hear what she had to say. As a child, I didn't realize why they were shouting at her and how they could be so rude to her, but I lived with her in a dormitory for 3 years and I realized why all this was necessary. It never changed. My brothers, on the other hand, also found it difficult to bear the shouts, but they did not listen very carefully to what was being said to them. It was obligatory for them to have some kind of sanction: they have a couple at school, punished for not going out; they have not thrown away the garbage, they are given another obligation; they are tired of going for bread, they go to the store all week. Some such things, not too severe punishments, but just absolutely obligatory to learn a lesson from the whole thing. I don't have children yet, but I hope to somehow be able to feel their character and tune in to their wave, to understand how I should approach them and meet their criteria for understanding.

   The author up to 8 "in practice should not (in my opinion!) Use universal methods for raising a child" Yes, you're right. I did not mean to follow literally everything and I am sorry if I left such an impression. These are just some guidelines, and from there there is an individual approach. Up to 5 I don't think you're right. Apart from upbringing, many factors influence. Otherwise, all the brothers would be the same, and even identical twins are very different. Everyone has an individual part and it does not depend so much on upbringing. At least everyone has different talents, different needs (not all depend on upbringing). Not to mention that the environment outside the family is also very influential.

   From №5 Bravo! at №8 You don't have children yet, but you think exactly like a parent who raised at least 5 children. If she had written that your children are 20, I would not have paid so much attention to you, because it is normal for an old person to have such knowledge gained from experience, but you surprised me.

   To the author from №5 The exact reason why siblings and identical twins are not the same is that the mother does not strictly follow your rules when raising them. The one who has done better in certain childish situations and is praised or the one who fails is bragged, they are compared "see how well the other is doing, and you are not good for anything" and this since infancy. Quite often identical twins are told "I trust Ivan more, while with you Gosho I am sure you will be wrong" How to become the same? In monozygotics, the resemblance is greater, because the mother at that time has grown up, to such an extent, mentally. But the brothers are different, because the mother also grows mentally for the time, as is the difference between the brothers. If she was more nervous with no experience with her first child,

   Up to 11 Well, do you think upbringing is the only element that shapes the personality? Doesn't the external environment influence, don't experiences influence? For example, two children brought up in exactly the same way. One falls into kindergarten in a group of child bullies, and the other into educated children. If this lasts for several years, I think it will definitely leave different imprints on the personality. And if, for example, one is unlucky and constantly experiences accidents, and the other is all about honey and butter, this will also have an impact. Not to mention that some psychologists claim that part of the character is innate. In the end, I will tell you that I personally know twins whose characters are radically different.

   The author's choice of school and kindergarten is also the responsibility of the parent. The parent himself chooses the school and always has the opportunity to change it. The parent himself, who also chooses the neighborhood in which he lives, can also always change it. No one will prevent the parent from moving to live with his family in Slivarovo in Strandzha Mountain / the village has about ten inhabitants /. All this is part of the upbringing, of course, if you do not want your child to swear in Gypsy, you will not enroll him in a kindergarten in the Roma neighborhood. However, if you do not mind your child gaining life experience with uneducated people and in the future to know how to behave / deal / with them, of course you will not have against uneducated children in the classroom / school. The decision is yours if you do not want your child to have contact with the rude at all, or to have a minimum number of accidents, you make him a private student and he only takes exams. You keep it under a duvet at home. The author's character is softened plasticine in the hands of the parent.

   Oh, I didn't have the nerve to explain to you that not everything depends on the stupid parent. If the child is hit by a car and this affects the psyche and personality, is the parent still to blame for God ??? !!! We talk if the driver is guilty and the child could not avoid it. Don't you do so much, I have the feeling that in order to irritate me, you are already fighting ?? Does the parent choose where to live? I may want to live in Saint Tropez, but alas, I have to be content with my financial means and live in Stoliponovo, where the environment may not be the best. And this is not because I want to bring him up like that, nor because I give him the pleasure to live there, it is not a matter of choice, but of circumstances and coercion. In addition, no parent goes 24/7 after their child to tell him what to do. Accordingly, ACCIDENTAL events may occur during these 24 hours, which to some extent form his personality and it does not depend on the parent, but on I repeat RANDOM events over which no one has control, even natural disasters if you will. The plasticine in question is formed by many factors, some of which do NOT depend on the parent. I will no longer write to you that I suspect that you will again emerge with some ingenious insight, for which even if Freud came out of the grave and tried to dissuade you, he would still fail. Apparently the church, no matter how big, the priest sings what he knows. for which even if Freud came out of the grave and tried to dissuade you, he would still fail. Apparently the church, no matter how big, the priest sings what he knows. for which even if Freud came out of the grave and tried to dissuade you, he would still fail. Apparently the church, no matter how big, the priest sings what he knows.

   Why are you reading my comments when you're nervous? I'm not fighting at all, you express your opinion, I express mine. Just because I have a different opinion from you and prove it with facts, does not mean that I am annoyed with you, who have no evidence of your opinion. In your opinion, I should be silent so that your opinion remains undisputed and you are "right" by presumption. Did I understand well? You are right until I prove that you are not, but every comment I make proves that you are wrong and that interferes with your right. Is you right about yourself, why should you be right about me, I don't understand? I have experience with children and time to think about everything that happens and why it happened. Yes, if the child is hit by a car, the parent is indirectly guilty, he has not taught his child to take care of himself and look around. I witness a mother say to her child: before a footpath look around, when you are close to the road, be on the road, because you don't know how much brandy each driver has in his head! Make your life sweeter than trusting drivers. And if you want to raise a child in Saint Tropez, no one stopped you before you raised the child, settled in Saint Tropez, or at least went to become a valet or a bellboy in Saint Tropez hotels, then your child will live there. Nobody, nobody is forced to live in a certain place. Educate yourself enough and the world is yours everywhere they will want you to work in Saint Tropez and in ... The choice to live in Stolipinovo and give birth at the age of 14 is yours. Has Stolipinovo been forever where it is now, of course, people from Katuni who wanted to live in Plovdiv, but did not have the financial means, settled on the southern coast of Maritsa and only 100 years ago. Yes, these people have included a kind of their children, not to live in katuns, but to be from Plovdiv and have succeeded. Now their children are from Plovdiv. Are you worse than a gypsy for saying that you will not succeed? You will succeed if you are hardworking and they want you in Saint Tropez, and then your son will be an equal citizen of France. Example My cousins ​​are full-fledged Frenchwomen with a mother and father from Plovdiv, Aunt and Kaleko moved to France 30 years ago, they gave birth to daughters there and here they are Frenchwomen. RANDOM EVENTS: A parent is an adult who is required to care for their child. ACCIDENTAL EVENTS, such as natural disasters, in the event of a disaster, the parent is obliged to reach his child as soon as possible and help him survive the natural disaster together. Then take him to a psychotherapist to help his child, no lasting effects on his psyche. And the things that bad people can do to him, the parent can teach his child before he is so big that he can go out alone. Nobody prevents the parent from talking about sex with their 10-12 year old daughter and explaining to her that there are uncles who would touch her body because they are mentally ill. And just as a child is protected from drunkenness, so do not talk in any case with older people, especially men. Before releasing his child alone, the parent must have taught him, through conversations, who to beware of and if there is anything new in his life to share, to discuss it. In Bulgaria, according to the current Child Protection Act, parents are obliged not to leave their children under the age of 12 without adult supervision and care. A parent has 12 years to teach their child what to look out for.