About The Things In Life Or How I Want To Pour Out My Soul.

Hello readers! And I, like many writers and readers here, want to share a few problems that have plagued my mind lately. In short - I am a woman, already 28 years old, with a permanent job (not very well paid, but still secure and clerical) and a constant friend for about a year. He is 31 years old, a specialist in medicine (I am a lawyer) with a permanent job and the opportunity to realize. We have been living together for half a year, we have not yet made group family acquaintances. That is, ours and theirs know about our relationship, but we have never met live. In a few weeks we started talking a lot about children, about the future, about family, about marriage and a common home (now we live in rented accommodation). I'm afraid, he has no doubt. I'm afraid if he's the man, if I want children now, if I want them from him, if we can handle it, whether we will have security for our work (both he and I) in the near future. I'm very scared, even though I want to. I love children, I would say they love me too. I know how to take care of them, talk to them, etc. Many of you may find it strange, slimy and even cliché, but these are my problems on the agenda (you know there are others, but just that harass me). Somehow I don't understand how this happens without wanting to, we took care of ourselves, but it happened with the baby making. I have always wanted a child who is planned and desired. I have a person next to me who really wants us to be a family and have a child together, and I get paranoid and literally squeeze my throat. At the risk of incurring negatives, I will say that I do not accept panic attacks and seizures. To get shortness of breath, throbbing and head and tightness, but for a short time. And only when I think about this topic and that I have to make a decision. For everything else in my life, I have been specific and focused. I choose and I do it, but it's too difficult. I just wanted to say the things I think in my mind to people who don't know me. I don't want to talk about it with my parents or girlfriends. Thanks.