I have a 6-year-old child and she makes me think, read about upbringing. And I thought about the imprint of my childhood. I remembered the free speech, the lack of compliance with the vocabulary in front of the children. How my father shows me every woman and tells me how this can be my next mother to begin with. I still can't understand why he interfered with me ... Because we lived in Druzhba then, I found Knyazhevo, not because we had a family house here, but because I got a boyfriend here. Then there was a Russian tenant with a girl my age. Not to mention in the evening what we children witnessed. And this man, a week or two ago, told me that the educated people congratulated me ... I was wondering how to thank him for my upbringing during my first seven years. I also have slightly more nightmarish memories. I remember flying knives and plates and his drunken cracks, how, in a scandal, my mother pushed him and they went with the beaten neighbor to the hospital together. It's good that my parents broke up, because if I go into the detailed of these memories ... The bad thing, though, is that they got together. As a child, I didn't understand much and I stood up for my father. He was like most ... We moved in Ovcha Kupel. At one time my mother did not work, then my father. But he went to Germany, then set up a company. My relatives gave us the house in Knyazhevo, to use it and it all started. But at one point the man stopped coming home or if he came home he was angry, screaming. Sometimes he didn't stop all day, and my mother, as a calm person, didn't pay attention to him. Since then I loved the silence. And honestly, not to listen to scandals I started going out with boys to the point that I was carried straight into them. When I got pregnant I didn't get much help, except that a year later my father got a mistress, she gave birth and he decided that I decided to give a stroller to the neighbor instead of him. I didn't see any help. Now for the ex-husband. I got pregnant and in the third month the nightmare started. We fought and I entered Tina Kirkova for detention. In combination with all the hormones with anger, with the past I was facing ... The questions, the future ... there was a complete mess in my head. I didn't want my child to want to run away all his life, just like me. But it was too late. Some time passed and the scandals began. I immersed myself. I lived with a man who could only break, ruin, was used to walking and cleaning all his life after the pigsty he was creating. He could not get up from the computer, playing games. I had already lost hope and desire for life. I was angry with myself, that I was in the same situation I was running from. And then I received an offer to go to work in the Netherlands for a month. I stayed there for 20 days, I rested. Upon arrival it turned out that I was an oriental dancer, which shocked me a little. But I accepted it on the positive side. At least I could relax a bit, I saw a country I had not been to. When I returned, things had not changed and I was terrified again. I had already changed my mind and I was sure that I wanted my child to live in a quiet environment, without scandals, and I decided to part with my father. Because we had taken out a loan with my ex-husband, he was paying it off and couldn't help it. But he said that if he did it for the child. And so he convinced me to re-sign the loan, to pay a minimum installment for a year, so that he could wood to take and his child not to catch a cold. We just remembered this cold winter. Not to mention the threats, that if I had found another one, it would have broken my caps and the like. I got divorced. One day the father called. It was not the date of the decision, which is in the divorce decision, and I said that we have other plans. He came, attacked me in front of the child. So much so that she and I have forensic medicine. And she says that her saddest memories are: when we fought with her father and when she was with him at his mother's and he was, broke, spat, quarreled with her. And was that what she had to see every day In the last two years it was difficult for me to deal with things started earlier, with studying, work, with the fact that my mother works during the day, and for a few days - in two places ... Here I wanted a job in an office from 9 to 18 hours. But today my child is at home, because the kindergarten is in quarantine. And even most places are until 19:00 ... Some people rely on their mothers and fathers. And only my mother helps me with what she can. And I try to find ways to cope, sometimes it's easy, but in most cases - difficult. At the moment, I'm glad we have a roof over our heads that is even named after my little girl and has a secure future, at least so she doesn't have to face problems like mine. And I, at the moment when she will be with one idea more independent, I know that I will have the opportunity and time to work a little more and that is what I want. For now, a little learning / qualification, a little work, a little education, a little maintenance of the house are enough for me. like mine. And I, at the moment when she will be with one idea more independent, I know that I will have the opportunity and time to work a little more and that is what I want. For now, a little learning / qualification, a little work, a little education, a little maintenance of the house are enough for me. like mine. And I, at the moment when she will be with one idea more independent, I know that I will have the opportunity and time to work a little more and that is what I want. For now, a little learning / qualification, a little work, a little education, a little maintenance of the house are enough for me.
1 andreeacristina answered
I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you're very wrong in your emotional perceptions and your main problem is there. First for your father, you are not aware of the root cause of his actions. Do you answer the question why he had scandals with your mother and why he constantly sought support from foreign women, even perceived them as your future mothers? Why does he live well with his new family today? I'm not saying that your mother is entirely to blame, the reason for his behavior can be found in his parents. If your mother was not his wife, why did he start a family and a child with her, if she was, what has changed in her behavior so that he can go and quarrel with her and seek solace from other women. For your ex-husband, you answered yourself, "I was angry with myself for being in the same situation I was running from." First you looked for a similar situation, and luckily you found someone who could offer it to you. When two people get together to live together, you need to look not only at the sexual attraction, but at life from all its aspects, so you are given time to be boyfriends before marriage. Wanting to have a serious relationship ending in marriage with a person, you must experience all his behaviors in different situations. The limit of tolerance is different for everyone! The blame for marrying a man who does not care about domestic cleanliness is in you, did you think that after marriage he will become a great cleaner? In a new promising relationship, try Drink it to see if his drunken behavior irritates you or is tolerable, make him angry to see how much he breaks and if it irritates you, go with him on a week-long vacation to a self-service hut and see how much he will go down to help in the household and whether it is enough for you and whether he would take over everything else throughout your life together and so on. Although your story is not very detailed, I see both negative and positive qualities in the men in your life. Here I believe that you read me in disbelief, but there are facts that reveal quite good qualities, both in your father and in your ex-husband. The fact that your husband took out a family loan, offered to use something family before you could afford it, shows that he thought a lot about your comfort, the fact that he paid it off himself, says that he can take responsibility and not play on the computer 24/7 and it works, the fact that it keeps you from having another relationship with a man after your divorce, tells us that even after the divorce he loves you and he does not know why you asked for a divorce, the fact that after he called you that he wanted to see you and after the refusal he came and he was with you, says that he knew where and when he found you, he called out of respect, he was angry at your lie that you were busy, he came to show that he knew you were lying to him, he hardly jumped into a fight from the door, most likely after a verbal scandal he jumped into a fight. But anyway, it's all over, you just have to rethink it to realize it. Your problem today is that as an adult you expect help from your parents, even though it is time for you to help them. We want to live as Europeans, but there are rarely those of us who want to take the responsibility of European people, we want our parents to consider us small children up to 40 years of age. See Europeans, they are cared for until adulthood and most parents take his old car if he takes a book. If he gets married, the European does not expect to be provided with a family home, nor to buy him anything, nor to take his children from the garden. I recently spoke with a 55-year-old German woman, asked if she was sending birthday presents to her 32-year-old son and her two young grandchildren, she said she was sending her son 50 euros in the mail and giving the grandchildren 20 euros each. times a year. As a Bulgarian, I decided that the sums were too small for her 3,200 euros monthly income, she definitely thought that the sums were enough and that she did not need to walk 800 km to celebrate family occasions with her son, but he as a son was obliged to attends Christmas at home with his family. Can you imagine your parents in Bulgaria having requirements for you to travel 1600 km to go to them for the holiday, and to give you only BGN 100 per year, and your children BGN 120 per year? It is interesting to the author who prescribed your daughter a house and why this person does not trust you and why this person expects your daughter not to live as a European and to provide for herself in the future?