A Thought That Does Not Give Me Peace

Hello! As the title suggests, this is something that has changed me radically as a person and I have encountered it in general every day for a long time. Sometimes I feel like I'm completely stuck in this and I don't know how to get out ... I'll start from the beginning of the story. It's about a girl in my class. We have been classmates with her for three years now. Honestly, in the first few months when he came to our school, I was not impressed at all. She was a very modest and even annoying girl. There was only one friend in the class. I was in a similar situation. Because I've never been very sociable, I only had one friend in class. However, he changed a lot suddenly while we were in 9th grade. He met new people from the other class, they became company, and slowly seemed to take me away. He felt wanted by more " besides her, another friend went to neighboring classes. Suddenly everyone changed terribly. They became very "big", very "artistic" (I study at the Art High School). They became addicted to weed and other drugs. He is estranged from me. But the girl I'm talking about became very close. She was giving some signs that she liked me. Or so I understand them. I was so in love that at times I had the feeling that she was the only reason I was happy. Every day when someone saw her I thought about her. I was dreaming most of the time. Everyone noticed him, even other classmates. I was asked questions like "Come on, tiger, aren't you going to attack at last" And the like. I was very annoyed, but I kept quiet. Only she mattered then. One day, when, as usual, we sat together and talked, I gained courage and asked her if she would like us to go out somewhere tomorrow, or if she would come to visit me. I wanted to tell her how much it meant to me and how I felt. She told me she would see if she could because she had a job. I agreed, the next day at school he told me he wouldn't be able to today, or maybe next week. I was a little disappointed, but I didn't show it and agreed when she could and wanted to. At the same time, I was impressed that she had dressed quite "provocatively", so to speak. In the evening I wanted to write to her about one thing, not personal matters. Let me ask her something. He didn't answer me at all. I thought about the worst thing at that moment - that he was with someone else. I imagined it so much that I felt beaten up, I just cried, I thought it was over, that I have no chance of having a relationship. It was Saturday and Sunday and I felt terrible both days. I didn't write anything to her, I didn't want to. and annoying. When we met on Monday, she was more distant from me. He was ashamed. It was not as usual. And since then everything has changed. She had never caught a boyfriend. But she was different to me. We are becoming more and more distant from each other. She befriended several girls in my class. They just started discussing the people around them. They became disliked by me. And with someone else in the class, I wasn't that close and I felt rejected. It's been a year since then. Take it easy and I adjusted. Apparently I became more talkative and easier to communicate. But I felt the same thing all the time - inside I was still attached to her. And so far, every time I see her, I get excited, and in general it happens often, since we are in the same class. But we don't talk almost, mostly "hello" and common things. But still, I'm starting to think about her again. Every day, even before I fall asleep, and in broad daylight, I dream that we will be together someday. She is the only girl I have fallen in love with and is all I like. I depend on her attention like nothing else. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend despite her attempts to take down boys, even older men. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about telling her what she means to me and how I feel. But I'm afraid of failure. I know that if she cuts me off, I will never find another like her. I generally want to. meet with other girls,. I just dream that she likes me. I do not know what to do. M, 17 But still, I'm starting to think about her again. Every day, even before I fall asleep, and in broad daylight, I dream that we will be together someday. She is the only girl I have fallen in love with and is all I like. I depend on her attention like nothing else. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend despite her attempts to take down boys, even older men. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about telling her what she means to me and how I feel. But I'm afraid of failure. I know that if she cuts me off, I will never find another like her. I generally want to. meet with other girls,. I just dream that she likes me. I do not know what to do. M, 17 But still, I'm starting to think about her again. Every day, even before I fall asleep, and in broad daylight, I dream that we will be together someday. She is the only girl I have fallen in love with and is all I like. I depend on her attention like nothing else. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend despite her attempts to take down boys, even older men. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about telling her what she means to me and how I feel. But I'm afraid of failure. I know that if she cuts me off, I will never find another like her. I generally want to. meet with other girls,. I just dream that she likes me. I do not know what to do. M, 17 I depend on her attention like nothing else. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend despite her attempts to take down boys, even older men. Lately, I have been thinking more and more about telling her what she means to me and how I feel. But I'm afraid of failure. I know that if she cuts me off, I will never find another like her. I generally want to. meet with other girls,. I just dream that she likes me. I do not know what to do. M, 17 I depend on her attention like nothing else. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend despite her attempts to take down boys, even older men. Lately, more and more often I have the thought to tell her what she means to me and how I feel. But I'm afraid of failure. I know that if she cuts me off, I will never find another like her. I generally want to. meet with other girls,. I just dream that she likes me. I do not know what to do. M, 17