A Nightmare In The Head!

Hello, everyone. I apologize for the spelling but I don't have nerves for punctuation. I ask mostly people who have had the same or a similar problem as mine to share their experience of how they managed to prevent everything. In short, a young handsome and successful boy almost a man of almost 24 years. I have been diagnosed with OCD and mild to moderate depression depending on external factors. The problem is that I am extremely sensitive to the past of the partner next to me and because I have already broken relationships because of this monster, I tried in the last one just not to ask and to know .. God forbid if I hear something I will not like .. That day we talked to the new girl who in itself adores and adores me .. Her sincerity can't be compared to anything else in this world, frank that she's so stupid haha ​​.. We talked, we talked and she started to get into the topic of exes, experiences and so on and because at that moment everything starts to rage and rage inside me I tried to delicately change the topic but it was not felt and continued and we got to a point where I could no longer keep the interest under control and we started talking like her I asked the main things with how much how why what and and and .. I didn't like what I heard, of course, because it's quite heavy due to the fact that it's hard to hear and it hurts .. Why does it hurt? Because it's one thing for 100 people to have wanted her and for her to have allowed 4-5 only and for me to be 5, for example, it's another thing for them to have wanted 100 and she's 30, for example. In the first version I'm one of the few I would felt special in the other, however, I am one of the many that makes me perceive myself as inferior. I'm not like that for her, I say again that she adores me, but the problem is that I don't consider myself special in this regard because she had a lot before me. I know what comments I would read: "What do you care about the past, isn't it with you now?" "Why do you ask when you don't want to know" I trust my fantasy! "It's important to you now, isn't it" - yes, but I explained my problem, I don't feel special, even though I see that I'm for it! I am interested in the opinion of people who have had this retrospective jealousy (towards the past) and how they overcame it. Greetings! "What do you care about the past is with you now" "Why do you ask when you don't want to know" -because my imagination works from the fucking OCD and it's better to know the truth of how it all really happened than to trust my fantasy! "It's important to you now, isn't it" - yes, but I explained my problem, I don't feel special, even though I see that I'm for it! I am interested in the opinion of people who have had this retrospective jealousy (towards the past) and how they overcame it. Greetings! "What do you care about the past is with you now" "Why do you ask when you don't want to know" - because my imagination works from the fucking OCD and it's better to know the truth of how everything really happened than to trust my fantasy! "It's important to you now, isn't it" - yes, but I explained my problem, I don't feel special, even though I see that I'm for it! I am interested in the opinion of people who have had this retrospective jealousy (towards the past) and how they overcame it. Greetings!