Help if you don't ask
You talk to your friend, and he complains that he can not find a good job or, for example, tired of loneliness. You are good to this person and perceive his complaints as a request for help. And then you throw it in the office to your friends or try to bring with lonely friends.
Then the scenario can develop in different ways. There's a small chance that the person really wanted you to help, but was afraid to ask for it - and then he'll be grateful. But there is another possibility: a friend will think that you perceive him as a wimp, unable to solve their problems, and will be offended. Or under pressure will agree to the work that you have found, and then it will be joyless to go there, torment and sharpen a tooth on you.
So it is better to ask the person directly and do not insist on your participation in his life, even if you are very worried. Otherwise, you are forcibly doing good and doing good.
Be someone else's vest
Everyone sometimes wants to share with another person their problems: to tell about how everything is fed up, how unfair life is, how the boss offended, and the children have cracked all nerves. But there are people who complain constantly.
And choose as free ears someone patient, soft-hearted and trouble-free.
It would seem that there is nothing wrong with this, people should support each other. But first, regularly "working a vest", you spend time and effort and deplete your mental resources. And if you don't have a lot of them, it will bring you closer to emotional burnout. Second, there is a chance that you are only making worse.
Instead of picking yourself up and changing something, the person repeatedly merges the negative on the one who agrees to listen. And as a result, he remains in the same positions. Therefore, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you may want to reduce communication.
For example, time after time to cancel their affairs to rush someone to help. To give up your hobbies or career because the other person does not like it or goes against his plans.
Yes, sometimes you can't do without sacrifices and compromises. But if someone is constantly conceding one, it can be a sign of a co-dependent relationship. The people involved in them - spouses, friends, parents, and their adult children - alternately play the role of aggressor, victim, or savior.
As a result, the savior risks completely losing himself.
And the victim gets used to the problem being solved for her all the time, and becomes completely helpless. Or even begins to treat the savior consumer, takes his kindness for granted and sits on his neck.
Relations should not be one-sided and consist of sacrifices and concessions alone. If that's the way it is, you might want to understand the reasons, such as seeing a therapist.
Giving in debt
Especially if it happens all the time, and your debtor is not the most responsible person. There are people who always get into loans and get into some stories - but not averse to shoot a little money from sick relatives and friends.
It doesn't lead to anything good. A person gets used to the help of someone who helps him out, and relaxes. He does not solve his problems, does not learn to manage personal finances, does not look for a more responsible and well-paid job.
And most unpleasantly, continues to use you as a bank providing long-term interest-free loans.
Of course, there are situations when a person is in trouble and he really needs help, including financial. But when it comes to who spends money, doesn't want to work and treats life too lightly, it's worth thinking about before you lend it to him.
Work for free
You know, all these "you're an artist, draw," "you're a doctor, consult," "you've got a car, give me a ride." Of course, it's free. And one thing, if we are talking about close people or friends, but there are freebies who do not appreciate someone else's work, but love to receive services for nothing. And systematically.
It may well seem to you that help by acquaintance will be correct. But in the end you spend your time and emotions, miss interesting projects and lose money. And hardly get for all this at least sincere gratitude. In addition, teach a person to the idea that you can not pay for services, and devalue not only your work, but also the work of other professionals.
Everything is good in moderation. If someone asks you to work for him for free time after time, and without urgent need, with such charity, perhaps it is time to finish.