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Number One: Infantilism
Relationships are a serious problem-not everyone can accept them. The ability to maintain intimacy for a long time and give each other a chance is not saturated for many. The first serious relationship, the first marriage-uncharted territory, and sometimes we can not maintain our happiness.
"Maturity is expressed in the ability and willingness to take responsibility and adapt," says the author.
"There are cases when a young person creates a family, but can not feed it, he has nowhere to live with his half. He takes her to her mom and dad, they don't even have money for the wedding, and the parents help him, give him gifts, solve problems. A person who is used to relying on others is immature, " the expert notes.
In women, infantile behavior often manifests itself after the birth of a child, when they begin to understand that life is changing, and the child becomes an integral part of it for a long time.
"They need to understand the idea that they are already adults and learn to live in a new way. Lack of flexibility is also one of the reasons for divorce, ".
The psychologist draws attention to the fact that today a very common stereotype is that a man should do everything, but for a woman, it is enough to be beautiful. "But in a relationship, both must shoulder some of the burdens and support each other.“
What can you do in this situation? First of all, the person must understand that he is wrong.
"They say that no one would be crazy not to understand that he's crazy. No infantile person can say that they have problems. Even when a relationship is in crisis, the guilt is often transferred to the partner."
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Number Two: Unrealized expectations
A common reason for the failure of a relationship is also that the partners to some extent do not meet their expectations of each other. For example, a woman thinks that her conditional partner will take care of her and love her the way she imagines.
He is also usually unaware of these expectations and, in turn, assumes that he will develop, learn, and one day, if necessary – in case of dismissal or illness, he will support him, the psychologist says. When the partner does not meet expectations, there is frustration, and the couple decides to break up.
Family crises are also associated with support-expected and unexpected: the birth of a child, care, and upbringing of a child, illness, infidelity.
"A lot depends on how people are able to overcome crises and what kind of relationships they will have in the future. If the couple has the desire and strength to give each other a chance, if they are not teenagers in the body of older people, then everything will develop successfully.“
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Number Three: Role model
A person's views usually affect the family they are raised in. If the girl's father drank, cheated, and abused her mother, it can be assumed that this young woman will not trust men and will be extremely careful in their relationships. Based on this thought, she may never get married if she expects this kind of relationship. And Vice versa-if a girl admired her father, she subconsciously chose partners who looked like him.
The same thing happens to men.
"They translate dependencies as models and in many cases reproduce them. And they don't really understand why this is happening. When a partner demonstrates unacceptable behavior, most often the relationship breaks down, " the psychologist explains and summarizes: everything listed here can lead to the collapse of the relationship, and if people do not understand their mistakes, they will not be able to change the situation.