section
Motherhood Sides
Once our friends who were expecting a child, asked me and my husband, what is being a parent. We started with the classics of the genre-constantly unslept, dirty diapers, breastfeeding, endless laundry, cleaning, cooking, walking around houses with dirty nightdresses, and falling asleep without force in front of the TV after the exhausting care of the children.
But why, probably, because I really like these friends of ours, and maybe because I was in a particularly philosophical mood, I wanted to discuss more serious things with them. And they are the basis of parenting. To my astonishment, instead of retreating and distancing themselves, they thanked me. And it was this conversation that proved useful to them.
You may regret having become a mother
There are not many parents who even admit it themselves. Let alone discuss it with others. However, I am fully confident that such thoughts are periodically seen by many of us. The moment we enter the bathroom, we will be able to walk and cry from tiredness and frustration. When we realize that all of our plans fly out like smoke. And then we ask ourselves why we volunteered with all this.
You may faint foreign children until the moment your own
When I was studying at university, we had a discussion. I don't even remember the exact subject. I remember, though, that I was the one who suggested the children rule the world. They create laws and solve problems. Because they are innocent and filled with unconditional love, unlike adults. "Have you read the Lord of the Flies"? -The professor asked me. Yes, I read it. It's easy to accept that children are innocent by the time you already have children. I dealt with the children of all relatives for years, especially when I was in high school. This, however, did not prepare me for my own. Now I see the children are not perfect at all. I mean, the whims, the hysterics, the envy, the jealousy. And at least my children show them in full force.
You may lose friends
Parenting changes your life with such power as no other event affects. Your friends see and know only pieces of this puzzle – some of them manage to fit into your new life, others do not. And with many of them, you will divide forever.
You can forgive everything you've ever loved
There is no one who is looking at children to be able to fully preserve their former lives unchanged. Neither the mother nor the father. And there are always casualties. Maybe it's friends, it could be a dream, a wish, or a hobby. Some of them often come back when the children grow up. Others do not.
Sometimes you are worth that the children have swallowed your whole life
Being a parent is not an easy task. And that's the right thing to do. Children cannot and should not obsess over our time and thoughts. So parenting can bring love and joy, but can not replace all the other joys and love in our lives.
Sometimes you will feel alienation
It can happen when you first hear the child pronounce, "I loathe you." Such moments collapse the ground under the feet. And then suddenly you realize that children grow up, that they have their friends, interests, plans. Sometimes their autonomy and separation are frightening.
You can appreciate how many mistakes your parents have made
For me, parenting turned out to be both a mirror and a magnifying glass. Suddenly, like a microscope, I saw the mistakes my parents admitted when I was a child. And I began to notice how I repeat their mistakes with my own children.
You understand why people do terrible things
A friend of mine who had recently given birth admitted to me that she had not understood at all, how come people are going crazy and fiercely Druze the newborn who is crying. I wondered about that until the moment when the first day of her own baby appeared. I remember this terrible condition well. I stand with weeping red-eye, my chest hurts, I cry, and my tears are swollen on the baby's face. I'm absolutely powerless, I cry, I want to throw things and yes, I start to shake the baby from roaring to roar. And when I finally get to reassure the baby and stop crying myself, I think about the hundreds of parents who have less support and fewer powers than I do. And those who do not have enough peace and confidence to tame the child with normal methods. "Thank God I succeeded."
You may experience bouts of rage and anger
Writer Audrey Lord described once motherhood as: "A fury and a bare nerve coupled with the all-consuming tenderness." Yes, that's exactly what I feel practically every day.
You worry about scary thoughts – what could happen
Every time the kids come out of the house, I'm terrified. There's no way to protect them from everything in the world. I often think I won't get over it if something happens to them. My heart is broken by love for them. This is the most bizarre and at the same time a strong love I have ever felt.
New parents