My husband and I couldn't have children for a long time, so we were going to adopt. We adopted a wonderful little boy we raised and raised as a young and smart man. Eventually, I gave birth to another one. Our eldest son is now 17 years old, he's about to reach adulthood. My husband thinks he's old enough to know he's adopted, but I'm of a different opinion. I'm afraid he might not take it well, that he might want to meet his biological parents and prefer them to us. I'm afraid he might think we love him less than our little son, which is by no means the case. Both his father and all our close relatives adore him and accept him as a birth child. Even though I didn't have him, he's my son, and I love him more than anything. And I don't know how to tell him that he was abandoned by his biological parents and if he should at all. Please all readers for advice on what I should do!
Answers 38
1
berry_girls answered · June 13, 2020
I personally think that if they know few people, and they are tactful enough it is not necessary to say anything. The conversation will be heavy and usually accompanied by unpleasant questions... not to mention that he will inevitably begin to feel "not quite like that of this family". If I was adopted, I wouldn't want to know at all.
2
mistresslave_0 answered · June 13, 2020
My personal opinion is that he's at such an age, it's dangerous to be told. An acquaintance at that age found out and then ran away from them, dropped off school and everything, and basically screwed up his life. It's a very key age, he's got important things like education, first job, family, apart his psyche might still be able to handle it, and maybe he doesn't have the maturity to understand them in the most appropriate way yet. It can be misinterpreted and you may have serious problems that at this key age can prove disastrous.
If I were you, I would wait until he was 25-30 when he had already graduated, he was independent, independent, independent and had more or less experience and the psyche to understand things more adequately and to react more correctly. At 17, telling him, it's a game of Russian roulette, and you don't know where he's going to kill.
3
shyanna_and_alex answered · June 13, 2020
It doesn't make sense, he's your son, anyway, and do you think he knows these things?
4
juliagunner answered · June 13, 2020
You'd better wait till 20. Just because he's an adult at 18 doesn't mean he's old enough. He'd better understand it when he's more independent and independent. With biological parents even to get acquainted, he will most likely be seriously disappointed and would prefer not to have seen them.
5
stix111 answered · June 13, 2020
Don't tell him, if everything is going well, I wish you well in the future!
6
amykruz answered · June 13, 2020
In my opinion, you and your husband should be led by the character of your child, already a young man, his sensitivity and perceptions. If he's highly sensitive, then there's a way to ruin his life with this news. You're guided by your feelings. I know two grown-up kids already adopted. I'm not saying that's your case. Both the girl and the boy are terribly spoiled and ruined the lives of their adoptive parents. They didn't tell them they were adopted. If I were them I would say because they have to get tight and realize how much has been done for them and how they do.
7
hornyssima answered · June 14, 2020
I thought I'd write on the subject, too, but number 2 seemed to have written what I was going to write.
8
harlowblue answered · June 14, 2020
I thought I'd write the same as Number 2, but I'm not going to repeat myself.
It's still small, in the so-called " difficult age, leave it for later, after 6-7-8 years, will definitely take it more adequately and maturely
9
europeannaughtycouple answered · June 14, 2020
I am personally adopted, and I see nothing wrong with your son understanding this news.
10
indiangoddess96 answered · June 15, 2020
You shouldn't have kept him. If you tell him now, his trust in you will collapse, and maybe to the people in general. He will certainly want to meet his biological parents, but he is unlikely to prefer them. After all, you raised and loved him, and they abandoned him. But I'm saying again, you know very late. Honestly, if I were you, I'd save him the trauma, but the bad news is, he can learn it from somewhere else. There is nothing to do about it anymore, but my advice to other parents in this situation is to be open about it from the beginning.
11
charlote_sweet_ answered · June 15, 2020
In my opinion, these things are said either at a very young age, until he is not yet fully aware, or already in adulthood. It is at this age that should not be said unless you are sure that he is mature enough for his age.
12
hart1ibang answered · June 15, 2020
Sooner or later, he'il learn the truth, so it's best to learn it from the people who raised it. He's getting old anyway, and he's going to be a grown man. Right now is the time to tell him the truth, now he'il understand. You can even take advantage of the moment, tell him you wanted to tell him earlier, but you didn't want to upset him. Now, as a grown-up, he'il understand you best, and if it's true that "we raised and raised as a young, smart man," there's no reason to worry. The well-mannered man will appreciate your sacrifice to raise him. Rather, his biological parents should be scared if he asks them the awkward question - why they threw him away. Listen to your husband and show that you love your sons equally!
13
69candi69 answered · June 16, 2020
First I wrote a comment, and then I started reading the others. Some advise not to tell the truth. Do you assume what would happen if this boy had a sister (who he didn't know) and eventually fell in love and decided to have children, then!? So he needs to know the truth and be careful in life, even if he should learn about his biological parents and learn if he has other siblings. I think by law the authorities have a duty to tell him the truth after he's in full compliance, if he wants to.
14
rdswap answered · June 16, 2020
You should have told him the truth as soon as he was a little bit like a fairy tale, now you'd spare yourself the worries of knowing the truth from someone "benevolent" acquaintance. When a child of little knows the truth the headaches for both him and the parents are less.
15
perfect_miamm answered · June 16, 2020
Mother's adopted.
Actually, you better not tell him. Adopted or not, as you say, he's your son. It doesn't matter if you gave birth to him or not.
There is a danger not to ask to see his biological parents, but to get a sense of himself and to step away from everyone. A lot of combined emotions are going to get him back on his head, and it's going to be a trauma. He'il think you're looking at him differently when you call him that information, and it'il make him feel alien.
Some things don't have to be said. If 17 years have passed and nothing has been raised, then this can sit by the end.
16
berry_girls answered · June 17, 2020
13, hahahahaha
17
blkboy616 answered · June 17, 2020
No one has to tell him anything if his health is not endangered and proves himself to court, and no one says anything to parents who have abandoned their children and after years they remember to look for them when they already have another life in another family. These are things that change human destiny.
18
blxndeyeezy answered · June 17, 2020
You better tell him now. Ask a psychologist. He'il explain how to tell him the right way.
19
tattooz_passion answered · June 17, 2020
13, by the same logic you might assume a truck would hit. "after a while, they fall in love"... Well, in time they'il tell him, the question is for the moment.
20
boredstudent4cam answered · June 18, 2020
You're too late. Around the world, they celebrate founding day as a second birthday. You have to skin him, that kind of thing doesn't hide. And he may know and keep quiet. What's the connection to adulthood, I don't understand? And what's the problem if he looks for his biological parents? You raised him, who would you prefer? Too bad you got here.
21
kinkydabbers answered · June 18, 2020
Why would you tell him? If you really feel like your child, if he feels and loves you, why ruin his world? Why do you want to create problems yourself where they are not, because problems after that will definitely have. Whether more or less is not known, but nothing after you tell him will be as before. Truth is a very revalued concept, some truths should not be said just because they are truths. Please don't ruin the boy's world, since it doesn't matter to you that he's adopted, if he accidentally learns from another place, please embrace him with a lot of love and show him that it doesn't matter to you, he won't be offended that you didn't tell him, because if you tell him you're going to hurt him a lot.
22
sourdread answered · June 18, 2020
I was 17 when I accidentally found my adoption document at my place. From the very previous, I suspected that this was possible, because I did not look much like my relatives, but I was still a little startled after the discovery. After the initial shock, I returned the document to its place, closed the cupboard and never opened it again. I thought a lot, and i loved my parents even more for giving me a chance in life. I've never raised the subject in front of them, unfortunately we're only with Dad anymore, and I'm not going to raise it unless he decides to tell me one day. I'm 24 and my father is the most valuable man in my life. An extraordinary person and my greatest personal example in life. In fact, I am happy that this is how my life has ended and I have grown up in this wonderful family, which has always given me love and coziness. It's the first time I've mentioned this story, no one knows it. I thought it was appropriate under this article.
23
bigdickbobbyb2 answered · June 18, 2020
It's funny how such themes spun all of a sudden.
And you know who his real parents are, he can only have a mother, which is most often, a young girl got pregnant by mistake and left the baby.
I'd look for his parents, and if anything happens, you're ready with the information.
I have an acquaintance, they adopted a little girl, good, healthy, but the mother got sick, the father took care of him all the time at work and missed her. He started running away from school, skeckers.
In fact, she was five or six years old when she was and told she was adopted.
The child kept cuddling in them and kept asking if they loved him, afraid of abandoning him.
Now the girl is wayward again, the father wonders how to protect her.
And I told him to go to Burgas, he knows who the mother is, now a municipal councilor, but at the time she became pregnant and her parents decided to leave her for adoption.
But he's afraid. And there's nothing to it.
She can never break the relationship between the adoptive mother and the child if she was real.
My advice, you look for who his real parents are.
So, if he surprises you that he knows, you'il be done with the good news that you can tell him who his biological mother is.
My neighbor of more than 45 years found out she was adopted.
Her mother and adoptive mother told her shortly before her death that her reborn son was in a scandal to copy his apartment otherwise she would tell her not-for-do sister that she was adopted.
And the mother decides to tell the truth.
It's a big blow, a lot of grief, but my neighbor didn't leave her adoptive parents all the way down, they were sick, and she's always there for them. The native son never appeared to help.
She didn't look for her real parents out of fear. What that fear is about, she's the only one who knows.
But he keeps saying that when he looks at his kids, girl and boy, their roots seem to be good.
I really don't understand how she doesn't have the interest, the curiosity, whoever her real parents are, they had reason to do that, it's hardly good.
So there's no fear what's going to happen and it's going to be good.
Success.
24
thebaddestbitch8 answered · June 19, 2020
He's already a young man, but he still has a fragile psyche. I don't think it's appropriate to tell him at this point in his life. Maybe later, if something imposes it. But I don't think he needs to know at all. To you, he's your son. Knowing he's adopted won't help him with anything.
As someone wrote above - this is said either at a very young age or in adulthood. Teenagers tend to perceive such frustrations in a variety of negative ways.
25
sophiecollen_10 answered · June 19, 2020
I had a teacher who had an adopted child. She told him that from the start. So he didn't lie to him, and the child understood that adoption was a normal process and he wasn't worried about anything. Better to know, because someday your son asked something like "do you have pictures pregnant with me, or pictures from the delivery room" and you will wonder how to do it. Then, of course, his confidence can collapse, and then he's going to have to do it.
26
myownsecret answered · June 19, 2020
That's moronic. The only thing that matters is who raised you, who gave you love and subjected yourself to deprivation so you could be okay.
Adopted or born, he is your son. That's where he came from doesn't matter at all and it shouldn't be said at all.
It's the most gracious white lie on the planet.
It's Bratan.
27
si2356 answered · June 19, 2020
And I am of the opinion that this information should be given when the child is small. It is best not to give at all, but absolutely always the truth reaches the adopted and in the wrong way and at the wrong time. The most important thing is to assess how the truth would be perceived according to the character of the boy and his sensitivity. In the vast majority of cases, they want to find out who the biological parents are. And they're looking for a way to make that happen. Those like No23 are more like units. If you think your son would react like No.23, tell him otherwise not. Besides, whatever's going to happen is going to happen.
And for No23 congratulations on the adequate reaction!
28
allisonparker002 answered · June 20, 2020
It had to be said when he was a kid... now no one can predict how the boy will react...
Brother, now in these times, it's easy to talk like that... and before 89, even before the 80th adoptive parents /as well as the created birth child, of course / they said it in straight text... to have someone look at me as I get old... And that's what they've been saying since I was a kid. The effects on the psyche are clear to this day.
In a word, children were then created and/or adopted, so that there was no one to look after the parents of old...
29
ezmeraldagg answered · June 20, 2020
Bratan talks complete nonsense, of course the child MUST know that she is adopted. To put aside the moral aspect of the question that Chonek has the right to such knowledge in order to exercise his free will. There is a very pragmatic need and it is called genetics. A man must know his biological relatives so he doesn't marry his sister, and if god forbid, he needs a transplant. All the rattles about noble lies are.
30
lovetostroke2014 answered · June 20, 2020
Leave this to your husband, let him tell him. Of course he's going to be looking for his parents, and you have to support him and help him. These children want to see a very afflicted mother-of-two, all the victim of some strange terrible circumstances, who has spent her whole life looking for them, now she shakes hands and hugs them, from somewhere suddenly motherly feelings appear to her, with which they flood the child, and somehow, even though she is a very suffering victim, she pulls out an apartment and a stack of meeting. But before that, she fell to her knees and was remorseful for not keeping him from breaking up with her and that she had not been able to find him, despite her 24-hour efforts. In reality, they find a person in poor health, material and moral condition, who in turn looks to take advantage of the newly emerged relatives. Warn him of possible disappointment. Don't give money to the parents. They are the only source of information about possible hereditary diseases. Nothing. Explain to your son why you're telling him right now. Don't get into any movies that because he's an adult, you don't want him to be your kid anymore, and I have to deal with it myself. Tell him nothing will ever change between you two. He's probably not an idiot, and he'il know what kind of life he's been waiting for without you. Sooner or later, he'il know. Don't wait for gratitude, but don't wait to turn away from you. You have an emotional kinship, it will withstand this for sure. Besides, you didn't do anything wrong. You adopted a child, you took care of him.
31
cbt2364 answered · June 20, 2020
I wouldn't tell him. If he finds out one day and comes to ask me, I'll tell him that it doesn't matter, I love him as my child, and I don't find it necessary to tell him that his biological parents have abandoned him because it neither makes me love him less nor will it add value to him. Either early or never in situations like this. You can also consult a psychologist, as advised above. Why would he tell? I don't understand?
32
mysterymaster01 answered · June 21, 2020
By 13,
Come on, cut the crap. The past is sedated with incest. Not to mention how many people are aware that they are brothers and sisters or siblings and they still draw them big.
33
naommi1 answered · June 21, 2020
From 15 to the author,
I'm telling you, if you tell him, things are going to change. Seeing that you're his mother gives him the strongest courage in life, and that he has a father and sees him as such.
I don't think you should tell him.
Mother never wanted to know.
34
obstsalat answered · June 21, 2020
Bravo 22,
This is very true to the world. How he sees the world will change radically. I wrote an earlier comment, but now I've read yours.
Realistically, from family experience as a grandson and son, I saw and felt how mother and grandmother were distinguished from each other.
It is the truths that do not need to be said just because they are true.
35
1moretogopls answered · June 21, 2020
Hi.
I understand the delicate situation, but I can't believe he would prefer the people who abandoned him to those who loved him and raised him as his child! We have to be honest with our children if we want the same. I'm sure even if he doesn't take it well at first, he'il thank you endlessly. And I congratulate you for adopting a child, there's nothing more wonderful than that. I hope there are more good people with big hearts like you in the world! :) My husband has problems and you don't know if we'il ever be able to have, hopefully with a little luck, and we have the chance to adopt a baby.
36
abby_arika answered · June 21, 2020
If you've thought about it, then you're afraid you have a different attitude to your two children. The fight is inside you.
I think in this situation I would try to forget that he was adopted, not to think about it at all. And if he ever finds out, that's exactly what I'm going to tell him, and that's why I didn't tell him.
As always, a mother should do what is best for her child.
37
pinkyobarbie answered · June 22, 2020
Ma'am, it's very important that you tell him in time. My husband is adopted. He was 38 years old when he found out. His father had long since died of an autoimmune disease. The mother had been silent until then. He had some suspicions - from hints of relatives, from the fact that he differed in appearance from his other two brothers, who were very similar, etc. And one day we pressed my mother-in-law like this. He told her: "Mother, it is extremely important for us to know if I am adopted because my wife is hesitant about having a child, as my father died of an autoimmune disease and this is sometimes passed down by inheritance. We're both not in our first youth and we can't take that risk.' I confirmed it because that was the truth. Then she cried (I don't know why) and admitted that he was really adopted as a baby and his father was not his biological parent, so we can be calm. But why, author, do you have to go that far?
38
kinkyxmilf answered · June 22, 2020
I support number 40.
If not you, then your husband already shares his sons in his mind. And it's the (mean) way to make the adopted one know their place. Maybe because of a future legacy. I suspect you're wealthy, but these are just my assumptions.
But I'il tell you something: Without your adopted son, you wouldn't have another child. If you think that's not the case, why didn't you wait for your own, but adopt?
I'm sorry, I'm rude, but I think so.
Kill your sloofs from your head, and thanks to God for all that he has given you along the way, trial, and reward.
And don't say anything unless he asks you.