Can I Escape The Bad Family Model?

Hello! I am a 21 year old girl. My parents are married for the second time, and each of them has one son from their previous marriage. At first my parents lived together, but they constantly quarreled over old trifles. When I was 10, my father moved out of the house. For better or worse, they didn't divorce for another 10 years. All this time there were periods of reconciliation (after many negotiations with both of them) and my father was returning home for a week or two, ostensibly for a new beginning. Of course, nothing happened, the scandals started and he went out again. I was on my father's side because I was afraid he might stop talking to me. He is very strict and if I had shown him in any way that I supported my mother, he would have written me off at all. He did the same with his son from his first marriage. I've always done things the way he wants them to be happy.

When he drinks, he becomes very touchy and interprets the words as he likes. Basically, I avoid telling him what's going on in my life because he always blames me for everything. I'm still scolded for low grades, even though they are rare and I'm already in my third year at a good university! I don't share much with my mother either, because every time I told her something, she always told me to judge for myself what was right for me. Otherwise, she is the typical woman - she does all the housework at home and until recently went to work. She always said that she didn't need a man to survive. While I lived at home, I was secretly forbidden to go out with boys. I only started when I left us.

The bad thing is that I come across people like my father. They never express their feelings and treat me as if I were their property. On the other hand, men who are too emotional, seem weak to me and do not attract me at all. I am looking for the middle ground between the two extremes - both to treat me well and to show me that I am important to him, and to be a man who inspires security and stability. I am very afraid that in the end, I will marry a man who is like my father and I will become a housewife like my mother. Do you think I can escape the model I have seen for years in my family? Do you think I should seek the help of a psychologist? Thanks! Do you think I can escape the model I have seen for years in my family? Do you think I should seek the help of a psychologist? Thanks! Do you think I can escape the model I have seen for years in my family? Do you think I should seek the help of a psychologist? Thanks!